The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This baby is an asshole
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
