What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
