Who wears a wallet chain?!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
