i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
