she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
