i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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