i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
