You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
even my farts smell like vagina
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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