I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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