do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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