There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
