She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
