There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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