if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
