Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
