omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
