If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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