just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
