hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
