I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
