You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
