he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize