I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i think my cat just said my name.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
