Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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