I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
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Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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