I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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