Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
