I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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