Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
