these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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