How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
