Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
