she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize