he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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