downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
