i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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