It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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