im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
