Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
