HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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