btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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