Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
