If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
