Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
