I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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