Christians are straight up FREAKS
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This baby is an asshole
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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