Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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