Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
