I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
