I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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