did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
