Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
