Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
