Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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