She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
