Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
