Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
