going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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