There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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