david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
