someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
