When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
