you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it