So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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