It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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