Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
