does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
