i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
