There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
