I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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