My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
